...or not?
Happiness is so fleeting that reaching a happy state can be blissful for a moment, but then oh-so-tenuous the next. Sometimes a taste of happiness can lead us to such a vulnerable state which we may have completely avoided if our goal were not to achieve happiness.
The internet is teeming with articles on "proven" ways to achieve happiness. Positive affirmations, gratitude practices, and spending time with loved ones are all shown to bring a state of happiness. Do they really work?
Research shows that somehow positive affirmations only work on people who have some basic levels of self esteem. Surprisingly, in adolescents shown to have lower self esteem, positive affirmations only served to make them feel worse! This actually makes sense - if a teen is feeling, for example, that they are not smart, a positive affirmation will feel like a lie. People are smart, and people rely on proof, and they find proof to back up their narratives.
Confirmation Bias
Unfortunately, we have a way of choosing evidence to support what we already 'know' is true. So instead of finding proof that they are capable, a teen with low self esteem will continuously use moments of perceived failure to 'prove' what they 'know' is true. There are of course coping skills, such as taking a more realistic perspective, which can help people start looking at more positive evidence. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is just one way to teach people how to find evidence to back up a more positive story. Sadly, though, outside of therapy one needs to be in a decent place to be able to take a more positive perspective.
But what if striving for happiness just keeps letting us down?
Think about it - did you ever fall into a state of bliss for a moment, or even a whole afternoon or maybe even a weekend - only to scratch your head in wonder the very next day, trying to figure out where that feeling went?
Studies show that a focus on achieving happiness can actually have a boomerang affect. In one study, two groups of people were shown funny movie clips, with their happiness levels measured before and after watching the clips. One group was told that they were watching the clips to become happier, and the other wasn't. Well guess what, the group that had no idea that they had a goal of being happy, showed increased happiness, whereas the group who did know actually showed a decrease in happiness. Seems like this goal of happiness may actually be adding pressure. And who needs that?!
Let's imagine for a moment that happiness wasn't our goal. What if our goal was just to be at peace with what we had. In that situation, a positive affirmation might take the form of "I can deal with whatever life throws my way. And I can be in a relaxed and calm state, feeling great love for those close to me".
It's not the fairytale that Disney has written for us since we were toddlers, but it may be just what we need to achieve a state of equanimity. And that state might actually be sustainable and not fleeting!
References
Wood, J., Elaine Perunovic, W., & Lee, J. (2009). Positive Self-Statements: Power for Some, Peril for Others, Psychological Science, 20 (7), 860-866
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